As we enter the month of October, one thing on many peoples’ mind is that October is the turning point for the 2004 presidential election. In the left corner we have John Kerry, and in the right corner we have our current president, George W. Bush. The Liberals will be refereeing. However, with this important political month comes a lesser known celebration: pretzel month.
The temperature for the presidential elections is heating up. There is sure to be more name-calling, accent bashing, and pointing fingers as the month continues. John Kerry, hence known as Long Face John, is tackling the election deciding states of Pennsylvania, Florida, and Wisconsin. Dubya has also been fighting, but his narrow post-convention bounce has faded quickly. All he can do now is continue with more of the same, we think. As it stands right now, Dubya and Long John are tied. Is Dubya preparing to pull out a secret plan? Operation ‘we’ve got Osama!’ in October? We will just have to wait and see.
It is possible that Dubya has nothing of the like up his sleeves. We just hope that he doesn’t have a pretzel in his mouth during the celebrations when he hears the results of the October polls, because that means that mister second in charge becomes first in charge. Do you really want Dick Chaney as a president? No, I didn’t think so. He would probably have a heart attack upon hearing the news anyway.
So as the month moves on we will figure out what candidates have up their sleeves. I predict Long John is going to pull something else out of the hat about Dubya, or Dubya will continue to harp on Long John’s under-funded budget. Wait, did Dubya even have a proper budget? Wasn’t there a surplus somewhere in the past few years . . . ?
One thing is for sure, one candidate looks younger than the other. Actually, one looks suspiciously younger. Could it be that Long John has secretly indulged himself in the Hollywood miracle of Botox? Can we look forward to more cosmetic procedures in the future? A chemical peel perhaps? You need a wonderful glow to go with that wrinkle free forehead. Perhaps Long John will be the first president to end his term looking younger than when he began.
However, all of these things just bring me back to wondering if they serve pretzels on Air Force One. Because if they do, there is the probability for a serious problem. Of course, after Dubyas’ last pretzel incident; I’m sure the Department of Secret Service removed the offending pretzels from the White House residence. But one thing is for sure: if a pretzel does make it onto Air Force One, be ready for the terror alert to rise.